How to Have Effective Communication in Marriage

Are you frustrated with the lack of communication in your marriage?

When entering a marriage we often don’t have a lot of communication tools we need for healthy and effective communication.

When conversations get tough, we're going to need better tools than the ones we already have.

Here are some ways to have effective communication in marriage

Use Less "You" Statements and More "I" Statements

"You never listen."

"You're so unappreciative."

"You" statements like these can be detrimental to a relationship. Instead of getting your feelings across, you end up making your partner feel like they need to defend themselves.

For better and more effective communication in marriage, use less "You" statements and more "I" statements.

"I wish you would take the time to listen to what I have to say."

"I feel like the amount of work I do around the house to care for you and the children goes unappreciated."

Spend More Quality Time Together

The average couple spends about two to two and a half hours a day together - this includes weekends. Spending quality time with your spouse helps you two grow closer. When you start spending more quality time with your spouse, you will notice the obvious positive impact it will have on your relationship.

We emphasize the word quality. There is a difference between quality and intentional time spent together versus time just spent technically together. Sitting in the same room, staring at your phones, and not engaging with each other is not quality time.

If you're feeling a lack of communication in marriage, try putting away your phones and make it a point to spend at least 20 to 30 minutes a day catching up and sharing anything that one of you may have found interesting.

Express Negative Emotions and Feelings Constructively

No marriage is perfect. There will be times when you feel anger, resentment, bitterness, disappointment, or disapproval. For effective communication in marriage, it is crucial that these feelings are expressed and communicated in a healthy way in order for change to occur.

Use a kind, polite, and respective voice when trying to get your message across. Shouting is the driving negative emotional energy of arguments. These negatively expressed emotions fuel disagreements on both sides of an argument.

Also, try to avoid speaking for your spouse's feelings or using broad generalized terms like "always" or "never".

An example of this type of destructive communication is a statement like, "You clearly do not care about me." When you act like you know your spouse's feelings and thoughts better than they do, you are taking a fast track to building resentment.

Speaking with broad generalized terms sounds like, "You never spend time with our children" or "I'm always the one spending time with our children."

The way you express your feelings, verbally, and non-verbally can make the difference between healthy and destructive communication.

Focus on and Stick to the Current Issue

The current issue gets lost, and communication becomes clouded when you bring up the past into the conversation. If you want to have healthy and effective communication in marriage, avoid bringing up unrelated past issues, complaints, and grievances to the table.

When we say, "For better or worse" during our vows, we promise forgiveness to our spouse.

Listen to Your Spouse Without Being Defensive

For a successful marriage, you and your spouse must be able to listen to each other's complaints without getting defensive. Our first instinct is to react and respond to what may seem like accusations against us or our character.

Instead, we should take the time to listen to what our spouse has to say and think about how they are feeling. Remind yourself that you are listening to your spouse because you care about their pain.

It helps to focus on the respect and love you have for your partner during tough conversations. Think about fond memories and remember the ways your spouse has shown and demonstrated their love.

Understand That Issues Can Be View Uniquely

When your spouse disagrees with you, it's easy to think that your spouse is the person in the marriage that is misinformed or has a distorted perception of reality. You may think, "How else could he/she see things so differently?"

When we fail to understand that each individual is entitled to their own point of view, we fail to appreciate what makes the other person who they really are.

The two of you are both unique individuals. You two have your own unique life experiences and backgrounds that help form two unique perspectives. These perspectives should be valued and respected.

Avoid feeling like your perspective is the only or valid one if you want healthy communication in your marriage.

Freely Express Positive Feelings

Most people are quick to express negative feelings versus positive ones. It is crucial for the health of your marriage that you affirm and praise your spouse.

Positive feelings such as appreciation, admiration, approval, and respect should be freely expressed.

"I noticed you took the time to plan this week's date night. I appreciate your effort so much. It helps me feel like you care about spending time together."

If your compliments and positive affirmations exceed your complaints, your spouse is more likely to pay attention to you when you have an issue to bring up. Though, if your complaints exceed your positive affirmations and compliments, your criticism may fall on deaf ears.

Show Love Even When Times Are Tough

This is one of the best things you can do to remind your spouse that you still love them, even when times are tough. Reaffirm your relationship and your love during arguments.

Say something like, "Right now, I'm really frustrated with you. But that doesn't change the fact that I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. We need to work through this issue first so we can move on."

This display of love during a conflict is disarming. We are more likely to expect hostile or defensive statements from our spouse during an argument, so when you show love, your spouse will want to do the same.

Effective Communication in Marriage for a Healthy Relationship

If you're frustrated with the lack of communication in your marriage, we hope you found this guide on healthy and effective communication in marriage helpful.

If you are looking for a clinical psychologist in Dubai, feel free to contact us today!